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Juggling your way out

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 A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco, Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin, Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late. The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him, then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and had nothing to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him. While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Trooper's car. A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper's car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door...
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Intelligent Geese?

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 As we were heading out to the movies, a number of geese were crossing the road. Several cars were stopped and began slowing going around and through the geese. My 8 year old son said, "Hurry up geese. They are so dumb!" Mom answers, "Actually geese are pretty intelligent." Son: "What do you mean? They have BIRD BRAINS!"
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The shooter guy and the diaper

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 Driving home from pre-school, I asked my son, who was 4 years old at the time, what he learned today. He began relating the story of the "shooter guy." The shooter guy shoots people with darts. So I asked why? . . .  Well, the shooter guy shoots people so they get sick and fall in love. It was then I realized that he was talking about Cupid. After discussing Cupid and Valentines day, my son says, "I still don't know why he has to wear a diaper."
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More of what kids (t-ballers) say . . .

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 It's the variety and unpredictability of children that truly make it fun to coach t-ball. In a recent game I was in the field, coaching the left side. It was another "warm" day in Texas, and some of the kids were beginning to play in the dirt, ask when the game was going to be over, and ask why doesn't the other team hit it to the outfield. The left-fielder suddenly turns around, points up, and yells, "look at all those birds." Sure enough, there were a bunch of birds. Then behind me, I hear the center-fielder (the left-fielder's brother) say, "Hey, I bet they're gonna attack!
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"Could I ask you to pull forward . . . "

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 When driving through one of my favorite fast-food restaurants, I really hate hearing the dreaded "please pull forward, and we'll have your food right out to you." When I pull forward, I can usually no longer see what's going on. Did they forget about me? What's so difficult about my order? I usually order a numbered combo straight off the menu with no changes. Now, I don't have any scientific proof to back this up, but I would venture to say that my order is wrong almost every time I have to pull up. If it's wrong, I have to exit the car now, and go inside versus just letting them know at the window. So I recommend the next time you're asked to pull up, just respond, "No thanks. That's ok, I'm good right here," and watch the reaction.
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What Kids (t-ball players) Say . . .

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 I helped coach my son's t-ball team, and I usually coached first base. As the first base coach, there are two important concepts that we need reinforce to help them as the progress into the next leagues . . . 1. Ok . . . You're on first base. Where do you go next? I usually have them point to second base, and then confirm with them. "That's right, when the ball is hit, run to second base as fast as you can!" 2. When you get to second base, what do you do? "That's right, watch your third base coach for instructions. He will either tell you to stay at second, or run to third base." For the most part, pretty simple and straightforward instructions . . . During one of our recent games, I was coaching first base, and it went something like this . . . Coach: "Ok you're on first base, where do you go next?" Player: [points to 2nd base] Coach: "Right . . . run to 2nd base. When you get to 2nd base, what do you do?" Player: [grinning]...
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Yard of the Month

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 While driving through a neighborhood the other day, I noticed a "yard of the month" sign proudly displayed in the front flower bed. The yard looked great - I have to admit. Then I started to wonder . . . Who determined it was the yard of the month?  I assume it was awarded by the HOA, but the sign didn't indicate the awarding party. Based upon that realization, I think I'll create and display my own "yard of the month" sign just to see what kind of stir I can create in my neighborhood . . .  I could certainly be my own "award committee" . . . right?
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